Testimony of November 22, 2011 — n° 98

mardi 22 November 2011

It seems I have let go of the past and am returning to it to point out the steps of my "history" since my entry into dentosophy in May 2009, which led me to re-read exercises of observations of myself in the 3 centers (physical, emotional, and intellectual), that I had written for more than 2 years, in the context of everyday life situations.

I rediscovers a person full of illusions about herself and the world, convinced of being right in a great number of circumstances, rigid, expressing incessant demands, egocentric, perpetually angry, in closure, refusal, flight, need for recognition and approval, and therefore perfectly infantile despite more than half a century of existence. Nothing extraordinary, finally, and completely human...

The left incisor of the upper jaw was really prominent, I found it very ugly and avoided smiling too widely. For some time, it has almost reintegrated the plane of its neighbor. She is not the only one to have seen her implantation transform, I noticed it on a recent photo where I did not really recognize myself.
Compared to you, Michel Montaud, I wish to note that after having copiously insulted and internally despised you after our first appointment, I quickly learned to recognize what you brought me in terms of support and recognition. I think I was waiting for you as a father role; the first year we talked a lot and confronted sometimes opposing opinions. Gradually, I started to listen to you, or not, but I knew that something useful would come out of it. The game with my friend, upon returning from the consultation, was to find and exchange something that would nourish the next work. Until June 2011.
At my next appointment, in October, four months later, this was no longer the case, since a week, a sentence had imposed itself on me, "connected but not attached!" and it applied to many situations and relationships in my life. As if something in me was taking off or starting a new chapter.
But to reach this stage, I went through some conscious shocks. An accident, first, at the end of August 09, which left me without a car and with two broken ribs. I think I did not accept reality as it was and, in a dream, I ran into it. I started to better perceive all the "beautiful" qualities mentioned above. But, unable to face it, I got angry (but not durably) with my entire family and a few others at my son's wedding a week later.
Yet, the transformation process was set in motion, with a series of real acceptances and releases to external situations, but also internal ones.
Until my brother's death in January 2010: we were at a restaurant, he slumped; I immediately knew he was dead and that the rescuers could not revive him. I was aware of everything that was happening around me and within me, emotions and feelings, thoughts and physical sensations. I faced everything that followed, practically alone, with calm and efficiency, and I did not know that I was capable of it.

As for the dentosophy work, at the beginning I chewed the activator with a kind of rage, violence, strength, tenacity, like a desire for destruction: I was only in the teeth, I was only my teeth.
I eventually found relaxation in practice, understanding that the presence and consciousness at the same time in tension and release were important since these two phases contribute to harmony and balance.
Currently, I focus more on relaxation throughout the body.

I will end by nuancing the initial picture: 2 years and a half later, the letting go and acceptance of what is, of others and of myself, in a form of respect, gentleness, and joy, manifests more.
Something in me is straighter and stronger, on the way to autonomy and more confidence. And this is the result of dentosophy combined with the practice of a true spiritual path.

I also know that I am only at the beginning, the few results obtained cannot hide the need to persevere in the deepening of this work which is ultimately the goal of life, or at least of mine.